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My child is asking me questions
about cancer. Can you tell me what kinds
of questions other kids commonly ask?
And do you have tips on what to say?
What is cancer?
Keep it simple.
"Cancer is caused when cells
grow too fast and form things called
tumors."
Is it my fault?
Children need to hear over and over
that the cancer is not their fault.
Younger children, and even older children,
may feel they did or wished something
that caused your cancer. Let them
know that your cancer was not caused
by anything they did or did not do.
"It's not your fault. We don't
know what causes cancer, but a lot
of people are trying to find out."
Can I catch cancer from you?
Many children are afraid that they,
and other family members, can catch
cancer. They need to be told many
times that cancer isn’t something
that gets passed on from person to
person. "You can't catch cancer
like a cold or the flu. You will not
get sick. Hugs make moms and dads
feel better."
Who is going to take care of
me?
Let the child know what the treatment
schedule is going to be, and how it
will impact daily life. Who will be
picking them up from school? Can they
still go to a birthday party? Can
friends come over to play?
Are you going to die?
Some parents fear that their children
will ask, "Are you going to die?"
If children do, it is usually because
they have known someone who had cancer
and died. In that case, it is important
to talk about how your cancer is different.
"I'm going to do everything the
doctors and nurses tell me to do so
that I can be healthy and well. No
matter what happens, I'm still your
mom or dad."
I’m usually pretty good at
talking with my child about what’s
going on. But I feel so overwhelmed, it’s
hard to do that right now. Do you have
any advice on helping my child cope now
that I’ve been diagnosed?
Talk about feelings
Let children talk about how they are
feeling. They can feel sad, worried,
frightened or left out. Let them know
their feelings can change from day
to day and that is ok.
Keep routines as normal as
possible
Help older children get to school
and keep up other activities. Younger
children will need regular bath and
bedtime routines.
Create a support system for
the kids
Call the child’s school or day
care provider and let them know what
has happened. Teachers and school
counselors can help support yourchild.
Let your child know that you have
told adults and he/she can go to them
if he/she is upset.
My kids seem more interested in
the television than me. Is this normal?
Talk with your children to see if they
have more questions and to see how they
are feeling. They may not have any more
questions at that moment or they might
not feel like talking. Children tend to
cope by dealing with what they can handle
at the moment. It might seem strange that
they want to play with their friends or
watch TV. They may get upset at another
time. Let the child know that he/she can
come to you when they feel upset.
How will I know if my child is
having trouble coping with my illness?
Are there any signs I should look out
for?
It is normal for children to be upset,
or distressed when a parent has cancer.
Your child may:
- Have nightmares or difficulty sleeping
- Be clingy, and not want to leave
you
- Eat more or less than usual
- Younger children may have toileting
accidents, bedwetting, and thumb sucking
- Act out at school or at home
- Complain of feeling ill (stomachaches
or headaches)
- Express feeling worried, sad or angry
- Withdraw from friends or not want
to do their normal activities
My child has been having these
problems for a few weeks. Is there anyone
I can talk to about this?
After a few weeks, if your children are
continuing to have problems, they might
be telling you they need some help coping.
To sort out if the concerns are a temporary
adjustment or something that needs more
attention, talk to your:
- Pediatrician
- Oncology social worker
- Member of the PACT
program
Do you have a list of websites,
books, and other resources on cancer basics?
Information Finder
on Helping Kids Cope
You may also be interested in
other topics:
Revised 2008
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