Everyone has experienced the emotional state known as anger. Most people probably know that it may vary greatly in intensity—from the milder forms in which one is merely irritated about something to the severe forms in which one loses control. When anger is so intense, it may manifest itself in destructive behaviors.
Anger may be caused by a variety of factors. Everyday, there are reasons for a teen to be angry. Sometimes, the teen may play a role in contributing to the cause of his or her anger. For example, imagine an adolescent receiving a C on a term paper. Could he be angry with the teacher? Before blaming the teaching one should step back a moment and acknowledge several factors. Perhaps the paper was less than adequate and handed it in a week after it was due. Instead of directing anger at the teacher, one should be mad at himself. This experience can be used as a catalyst for change. The next time, the teen could allow sufficient time to complete his assignments, and give them to the teachers when they are due.
Of course, one may be angry about situations over which one has very little control. One can imagine a teen becoming stuck in a traffic jam or experience luggage lost by an airline. Or one can just feel the reaction to promised tickets for a coveted concert that were lost in the mail. Teens may become justifiably very angry if they lose their jobs when the fast food restaurant where they worked went out of business. These are all frustrating experiences that most certainly trigger emotions of anger.
When someone is angry, it is quite natural to want to respond with some form of aggression. But it is important to maintain a level of control. Obviously, it is inappropriate for an adolescent or anyone for that matter to go around yelling at people. Soon, no one will want anything to do with that person. That does not mean an adolescent should not express feelings of anger. One can be assertive without being belligerent. Adolescents should try to articulate their needs in a clear and precise manner. They should explain how they would like their needs to be met without calling people names or purposely hurting someone else.
Sometimes, a teen will be forced to suppress, convert or redirect his anger. In these cases, the teen will be compelled to transform the anger into more positive activities. On occasion, when this occurs, a teen may turn the anger on himself. This type of anger has the potential to result in high blood pressure, stress, ulcers or depression. It has also been known to lead to pathological manifestations of anger such as passive-aggressive behavior. So, instead of confronting someone about the anger one is feeling, the teen indirectly attempts to get back at that person. One might talk against that person or do something that may be hurtful. People who have an inability to communicate anger tend to put others down. They are constantly critical of other people. As a result, they may well have trouble maintaining relationships and friendships.
It is important that adolescents learn not to turn anger on themselves. One should learn how to calm down. While it may be difficult initially, teens need to figure out how to compose their internal responses and lower their heart rate and stress reaction. In other words, teens must manage their anger without negatively impacting their physical and emotional well being.
Some people are just angrier than others. Some probably already know if they have this personality characteristic. Some people have a low tolerance for frustration, aggravations and hassles of daily living and seem to overreact to the many problems of daily living.
Why are some people angrier? In at least a percentage of the cases, there is probably a genetic component. Everyone knows that there are babies who are crankier than others. Teens who are angry may also have a genetic predisposition, or they be modeling their behavior after other family members. And, since society tends to view excessive anger in a negative way, there is little instruction on how it should be managed. People who anger easily should realize that they are at great risk for being overwhelmed by their anger, which places them at increased danger for getting into serious trouble.
There are anger reducing strategies. One may wish to practice them before an anger-provoking situation occurs. A teen can either teach herself or take a class in relaxation techniques. This will include training in breathing deeply – not from one’s diaphragm but from the gut. A teen can slowly repeat the same word over and over. One might even consider repeating the word “relax.” One should try to imagine a relaxing past experience such as looking at a peaceful meadow or a tranquil pond. An adolescent can let his or her mind wander to that place.
One can restructure how to react to anger. Instead of cursing, swearing and screaming, a teen can force herself to be rational. For example, if a teen is already late for an appointment when she realizes that her car has a flat tire, she can respond by yelling. But, frankly, what will that accomplish? Instead, she might take a few deep breaths and think. First, she can begin by calling the office where she has an appointment. Let them know that happened. Can she be rescheduled? Then, she needs to tackle the car problem. If she is a member of a highway motor service such as AAA, then it is easy to give the “800” number a call. On most occasions, they come fairly quickly. If she is not a member of a motor service, then she will need to find some other way to replace the tire. Maybe she might call a local service station. Eventually, everything will be sorted out. But the entire process will be significantly smoother if one remains composed. Adolescents should remember that the world is not out to get them. What happens is part of daily life.
Adolescents should try to develop better methods of communication. If they are more articulate, there should be fewer misunderstandings, and, therefore, reasons for anger. And rather than responding to criticism with anger, they might pause and see if there is any truth to what a person is saying. Teens may also need to remove themselves physically and psychologically for a few minutes of breathing space.
When a teen reviews the anger in his life, he may find that there are a few key sources. The bedroom could be chaotic and this may be a source of his angry when his parents tell him to clean it. One might talk to his parents and come to some compromise. If a teen is always late for sports practice, and he becomes angry when the coach yells at him, then he could devise a way to reschedule the day to arrive on time. If one’s boss states that a teen is not treating the customers with sufficient courtesy then perhaps he is right. Maybe the adolescent needs to improve his customer service skills. One may need to be creative. But avoiding the source for anger is just as important as designing the best ways to deal with it. Teens who have further problems controlling their anger and reaction may also consider taking a course in stress management.
Related topics:
Academics, accidents, counseling, delinquency, independence and rebellion, self-mutilation, stress, violence and aggression
