Bullying is an aggressive behavior where one or more children intentionally intimidate, harm or harass another child who is termed a victim. The victim is perceived by the bullies to be weak and unable to defend himself or herself. The victim feels as if he or she cannot retaliate to the aggressive behaviors and senses the bullies to be more powerful.
Bullies usually have strong desires to be powerful and dominating. Male bullies are typically stronger than the average male and almost always stronger than their victims. Male bullies perceive violence as a means to an end. Bullies appear not to suffer from lower than average self-esteem.
Victims are usually more insecure than children or adolescents of similar ages. They also tend to react more passively and anxiously to certain situations. When other students attack them, they react passively; these children often view themselves as failures, unattractive or ashamed. Victims are more frequently socially isolated and loners at school.
Bullying is a worldwide problem. In the United States, ten percent of children have reported extreme victimization by bullying. Boys are more often bullies than girls. Boys are more usually involved in physical bullying while girls are often the targets or perpetrators of a more indirect bullying: gossip and social isolation.
The incidence of bullying seems to be highest at age seven years and then declines until grade nine or age fifteen years. Although most children and young adolescents do not experience extreme victimization by bullying, most children at some point in their school career will have experienced bullying.
Most incidents of bullying will occur in school settings and especially where there is minimal supervision. For children, these settings would include the playground, while for adolescents, the settings are much more varied and could include hallways, athletic fields and classrooms.
Children bully to cover feelings of inadequacy. Or they may observe adult role models bullying others and consider this behavior as the proper way to act. Multiple members of some cliques or peer groups may be bullies. Certain settings may allow the children to bully. Schools that have the worst bullying problems have either weak adult supervision or adults who tolerate bullying. Children who come from dysfunctional families may also be prone to be bullies.
Victims suffer consequences from bullying. Fear, anxiety and poor self-esteem can be attributed to persistent bullying. These victims can perceive school as an unfriendly and dangerous place and perform in a less than satisfactory manner. School absenteeism and depression are more frequently seen in victims. Children and adolescents who observe bullying may suffer as this impedes learning, is scary to observe and will detract from the teachers’ time for instruction.
Adolescents who are victimized develop a sense of powerlessness. Some of these victims react with self-destructive or violence against others. Children who have felt inferior or were victimized have committed some recent school killings.
A 1991 study showed that sixty percent of boys who were labeled as bullies in grades six to nine had at least one criminal conviction by age twenty-four. Some experts feel that unchecked aggressive bullying is likely to lead to criminal behavior when the bully reaches adulthood.
Parents should ask their children or teens if they have been teased at school. Or they can ask if other children have been teased. If the answer is affirmative, then ask how long has this been going on and if the teacher has been told about the teasing. In children and younger adolescents, symptoms from being a victim include trouble sleeping, feeling unhappy or sad, stomachaches, headaches and bedwetting.
If a child or adolescent is the victim of bullying, then there are steps parents can take. First, parents should organize a meeting with the child’s teacher and school counselor. Teachers are able to rearrange classroom seating, increase supervision and speak directly to the alleged bully and his or her parents. Parents can help to raise the self-esteem of victims by involving him or her in outside activities that will improve confidence. Appropriate sports activities can increase confidence and self-esteem. Martial arts instruction may help to build confidence and self-esteem. Instructors should teach alternatives to violence and how children and teens may avoid or remove themselves from bullying situations.
If a child or adolescent encounters a bullying situation then the appropriate response to it will include “walk,” “talk” and “squawk.”
- Walk away from the bully, but do not run as if in terror. Behaving calmly and speaking in control will project an air of strength.
- Talk to the bullies looking them straight in the eye and saying, “You do not scare me.” It may be helpful to practice this as role-playing at home before a situation arises.
- Squawk to a teacher, parent or other responsible adult if a bullying situation occurs. Children may fear that the bully will retaliate if he or she tattles. Adults should promise closer supervision of the situation.
Bullies should be referred to counseling. A school psychologist may be available to counsel the bully as therapy may help to establish a more positive direction in the bully’s life. If the bully’s peer group contains other perpetrators, then a change of classroom or even schools may help to stop bullying behavior. If a child or adolescent is a bully and one knows the identity of the victim, then a parent can try to protect the victim. Parents should cooperate with the teachers and the parents of the victim. Parents of a bully should make an effort to talk to their child about violence or socially intimidating behaviors. One should emphasize to the child that he or she should apologize for these behaviors and make reparations when the victim’s property has been destroyed or stolen. Many bullies have so much anger, impulsivity or depression that professional counseling is necessary.
No child should be afraid to go to school because of possible humiliation or physical harm. Every child is entitled to an education that is free of intimidation and violence. And innocent bystanders should not have their educational experience disrupted by bullying. Parents, school administrators, teachers, students, pediatricians and adolescent medicine clinicians must work together to stop any potential or actual bullying situations.
Related topics:
Academics, anger, bed-wetting, child abuse and domestic violence, counseling, depression, peer pressure, self-esteem, violence and aggression
