Not that long ago, adolescents usually began dating in high school. Of course, there were organized school functions, such as dances, in the earlier grades. But dating at a younger age was quite rare.
Today, dating tends to start at earlier ages. There are reports of dating among students in sixth grade. Fortunately, this very early dating tends to be in groups. The preteens will go bowling, play pool or hang out at the mall, stopping by the food court for a bite to eat.
Parents may want to open their homes to these young daters. Parties may be held with showings of rental movies. Such opportunities will enable parents to meet some of their child’s friends and to intervene if any activities appear inappropriate. The bedroom should be off-limits to anyone other than same sex friends. If one’s teen is invited to another home, parents should ensure that there would be supervision. Of course, younger teens usually know the difference between right and wrong. But they often lack the ability to consider the consequences of their actions.
In 2001, about 45.6 percent of high school students reported ever having sexual intercourse. About a fourth of all girls under the age of fifteen have had sex. Left along in an empty home, it is very easy to give in to temptation. And sexual activity at such a young age brings its own set of problems. Since contraception is less likely to be used, there is greater risk for an unwanted pregnancy. Earlier sex may mean sex with more partners. That increases the risk for sexually transmitted infections. It should also be noted that early intercourse might be a result of coercion from the male partner. Moreover, researchers have determined that early sexual behavior is more common among teens who come from single parents homes or homes in which there is martial disruption. It is less often seen in homes where there are supportive family relationships and the parents are better educated. Similarly, students who earn better grades, have friends with better grades and attend church regularly are less likely to engage in such activities.
Though high schoolers may still participate in-group dating, they are more likely to want to spend time with one particular person. There is also enormous peer pressure, especially on females, to form boyfriend/girlfriend relationships. Some teens go from one relationship to the next. Others have far fewer or sometimes no relationships. Teens who do not date may be ridiculed or labeled as “gay.” A female who dates many males may be considered promiscuous; on the other hand, a male who dates lots of females may be called a “stud.” While these teenage relationships tend to be quite intense, they often don’t continue for an extended period of time. They may last a few weeks or months. On occasion, a couple may stay together for several years. Even these generally end, especially if the partners go off to colleges or other institutions of higher learning in different cities. Not surprisingly, many of these relationships involve sex. By their eighteenth birthday, more than half of all females and almost two-thirds of all males have had sex.
Still, over than 2.5 million teens, who are usually involved with a Christian church, have taken “sexual-abstinency pledges.” These teens vow to remain chaste until marriage. Often, they will state that it is part of God’s plan that they do. While most of the teens become sexually active before marriage, by taking the pledge they do delay the onset of sexual activity an average of eighteen months.
But dating is not only about the presence or absence of sex. Dating involves spending time with someone else, engaging in an activity that you both enjoy. Probably the most common dates involve attending a movie or a high school activity such as a dance or a sports event. Eating lunch or dinner at a restaurant is also popular. But one may want to consider some of the following activities: hiking, concerts, miniature golf, roller blading, ice skating, amusement parks, roller skating, museums, historical sites, public gardens, volunteering for a charity together, walking along the beech, playing tennis, running, picnics, and attending a community or church event.
It is interesting to note that the dating may be a source of conflict with parents. Teens who date are more likely to be at odds with their parents. And the problems with the parents are more common among short-term daters than long-term daters or nondaters.
There is also a potentially dark side of dating. Some dating includes violence. Approximately, one in every ten high school students is the victim of dating physical violence. About one of every three high school and college students has been involved in some form of sexual, physical, verbal or emotional violence in a dating relationship. Females were more likely to be punched and forced to engage in sexual activity; males were at greater risk for kicking, slapping, scratching and pinching.
Like adult dating violence, teen-dating violence is related to power and the desire to control. But teens are at greater risk. With limited dating experience, they may romanticize the partner’s demands and see them as expressions of love. Further, they may too willingly tolerate unacceptable behavior. One study found that female teens might think they deserve to be treated violently if they yell at their boyfriend or insult him in front of friends. The same study noted that it was okay to shove or slap a female teen who talked to another male.
Many people are unaware of this type of abuse. That is at least partly because so few teens talk about it. Worried that the violence will escalate, they are too frightened to tell their parents or the authorities. The relationship is based on fear, not love. Teens need to know that violence is never part of a normal dating relationship.
Teens and their parents should be aware of Rohypnol, a “date rape” drug. Since it has no taste and no odor, perpetrators have mixed it into the drinks of unsuspecting teens. The teens become drowsy and lose control. In that state, they may be easily raped.
Violence may also be a by-product of a teen relationship that has broken apart. In at least one instance, a break-up may have triggered a school shooting. While that is an extreme instance, teens should realize that youthful relationships would probably not last. They should fill their lives with a host of additional interests such as school, sports, several friends and music. These may serve as a buffer to absorb some of the pain that inevitably comes with the end of a relationship.
Cyber dating is popular with singles older than adolescents, although teens do have access to these websites. If a teen plans to meet someone through a cyber dating service, then his or her parents should be informed. In this situation the adolescent should meet the potential person at a public place preferably with a friend also present. And teens should be sure that the first date is short in case the heavenly match from cyberspace turns out to be a match from the devil. In addition, teens should be aware that older males may be using the Internet to develop potential sexual relationships with younger females.
Related topics:
Emergency contraception, Internet safety, kissing, party drugs, safer sex, sexually transmitted diseases, violence and aggression
