In today’s world, divorce is incredibly common. Indeed, about half of all marriages end that way. Of course, divorce not only affects the couple. Every year, over one million children must learn to cope with the dissolution of their parents’ marriage. Half of all children born in a given year will see their parents divorce before their eighteenth birthday.
While no one is suggesting that all marriages must remain intact, it should be understood that divorce might have serious, long-term implications for adolescents. It has been theorized that the grief experienced from divorce is almost as great as that from the death of a parent. Some studies have found that adolescents from divorced families are more likely to experience a host of different emotional and behavioral problems. And, unfortunately, these do not, necessarily, slowly disappear. In fact, they may remain dormant for years and emerge decades later.
The year following a breakup may be the most difficult. Sometimes teens may wear a heroic front but feel heartbroken inside and have a loss of self-esteem. And issues can continue into adulthood. Adolescents and young adults from divorced homes receive less financial aid for college. As they mature, they have more difficulty forming lasting relationships. There are studies that say that they marry earlier; others say that they marry later. But they worry a great deal about having children. Will they repeat the mistakes of their parents? How will they know how to build a successful marriage? They know little about parents working together to build a well-functioning unit. They are only personally familiar with a failed model. And, unfortunately, their marriages are more likely to end in divorce.
Though there is never a good age for parents to divorce, a divorce during a child’s adolescence appears to be particularly risky. Why is this so? Adolescence is a time of transformation from childhood into adulthood. It is a period when career and other future decisions are made. For some teens, the disruptions of a divorce trigger a downward spiral. School performance may drop; relationships with peers and adults may suffer; drug and alcohol abuse may escalate. It is not uncommon for teens from divorced homes to become sexually active at an earlier age. By their early twenties, large numbers of these teens require psychological treatment.
But there are still other areas of concern when dealing with parental divorce. Adolescents may become moodier than usual, and they may vent a number of emotions such as anger, resentment, guilt and depression. Like others living in a stressful situation, they may overreact to the simple problems of daily life. Spilling a glass of milk may trigger a bout of screaming and uncontrolled tears. And, more often than not, they will feel torn between the two parents and concern about where they will live and how custody will be arranged. Further, there is a profound loss of security. The home that they have known for years has literally fallen apart. If one or both of the parents will soon marry someone else, there is worry about how the family dynamics will function.
A fear of the future and how all aspects of the divorce, including money, will be managed is almost inevitable. The importance of financial issues should not be discounted. Instead of one home, the family now requires two. If money was already tight, the added expense of legal bills and the maintenance of two homes certainly will not help. In the past, the adolescent may have worked to pay for extras. Now, the adolescent may be required to supplement the budget for necessities.
Even the smoothest divorce could have complications down the road. Parental income increases or decreases. A job may be lost; a new job may mean relocation to another part of the country. There may be serious illness or death. Remarriages may increase financial burdens and family conflicts. There may be disputes over custody and attending family functions. What will be the role of the varying grandparents, especially if the divorce was particularly acrimonious? What about remarriage and blended families? And how can the adolescent remain neutral, especially if each parent attempts to use the adolescent to wreak havoc on the life of the former spouse.
To reduce the toll from divorce, it has been suggested that families in which there is little conflict between the parents should do everything possible to avoid a divorce. On the other hand, when parental conflict is highly volatile, a divorce may be the only solution.
In 1935, only sixteen percent of marriages ended in divorce. Was divorce easier then? Not necessarily. During those years, women married young and essentially stayed at home with the children. The child support laws were weak and poorly enforced. Today, women marry later and have more opportunities for education. They are more likely to be economically self-sufficient. Child support and the related laws have improved, and fathers tend to remain involved in the children’s lives.
But not everyone agrees that adolescents confronted by their parents divorce are doomed to face serious problems. Adolescents may be far more resilient than people realize. It is true that they will have a more difficult time adjusting to change, and they will tend to have more problems with academic achievement. Still, it should be remembered that much of adolescence is spent responding to the challenges of life. Adolescence is the time when one learns to balance the academic, work, athletic, social and family aspects of life. Many adolescents are faced with serious problems. There may be financial uncertainty or parental illness. Parents may be working overtime or be unable to secure employment. It is not at all uncommon for parents of teens to be the caregivers to their own parents. So while an adolescent whose parents have divorced clearly has more concerns, he or she may well be able to weather the confusion and disorientation. It is thought that the ability of an adolescent to adjust is largely dependent upon the actions of the parents as well as the teen’s connectiveness to school and community. Better outcomes are obtained when parents focus on the needs of their children and stay emotionally involved in their lives. It is not at all impossible for adolescents to emerge stronger.
Related topics
Academics, counseling, depression, future orientation, self-esteem, separation anxiety, step-families
