Strategies to Cope with Change

One of the things I do in my role at Aspire is provide parent coaching; an individualized service where I meet with parents to set goals and problem-solve together. Parents seek this support for children and teens in elementary, middle, or high school, as well as for young adults in college, looking for work, or building independent living skills. As a parent myself, I especially value this work. Parenting is the most important part of my identity, and this lived experience helps me empathize with the challenges families bring into our conversations. A key part of my approach is using our “empathic imagination” to picture what life feels like from the child’s point of view; what it is like to walk in their shoes as they move through the world.

Sometimes I use thought experiments to help deepen this understanding. Imagine you are driving in a city you have never visited before and are using your car’s navigation system to reach your destination. (I love traveling, so I imagine a large city in mainland China, where I do not speak or read the language.) Suddenly, your car’s navigation system and all your other technology (i.e., phone, tablet) stop working. You exit the highway and realize you cannot read any of the signs and are unsure how to ask for directions. As I imagine this scenario in more and more detail, my own nervous system starts to flood with anxiety and even fear.

Autism researchers are finding that many autistic people experience the world as less predictable, and this can help explain both everyday challenges and strengths. When the brain has a harder time learning “what usually comes next” in social situations, busy classrooms, or noisy environments, life can feel like a constant surprise. Transitions, changes in routine, crowds, and waiting can become especially draining and may lead to meltdowns, anxiety, or a strong need for sameness. At the same time, many autistic children and adults thrive in more rule-based, predictable areas, such as patterns, systems, or focused interests, because those feel clearer and safer. The need for accurate, reliable prediction is similar to our reliance on the car’s navigation system in the thought experiment. When an unexpected change suddenly takes away our “map,” it is completely understandable to feel intense anxiety or fear.

A practical approach called predictive parenting builds on this idea. It focuses on noticing patterns in a child’s behavior, making life more predictable with routines, visual supports, and advance warnings, and gradually strengthening a child’s ability to handle uncertainty. The goal is not to “fix” the autistic person, but to adjust the environment so their brain does not have to work as hard. When the world feels more predictable, stress decreases and connection, learning, and joy become more possible. These empathic insights, paired with concrete strategies, give parents a kind of roadmap. They highlight how central prediction is in helping a child prepare for new situations and in understanding what a child may need when things do not go as expected.

References

Sinha, P., Kjelgaard, M. M., Gandhi, T. K., Tsourides, K., Cardinaux, A. L., Pantazis, D., Diamond, S. P., & Held, R. M. (2014). Autism as a disorder of prediction. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 111(42), 15220–15225.

Carey, M., Baron-Cohen, S., Wheelwright, S., Allison, C., & Smith, J. (2017). Introducing ‘Predictive Parenting’: A feasibility study of a new group parenting intervention targeting emotional and behavioural difficulties in children with autism spectrum disorder. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 47(7), 2206–2217.